Monthly Archives: January 2016

Alone Together (Or Not)

tiffany_head_128

Normally Kathy and I “write blind” – that is, we select a topic, write our pieces, and then compare notes. For this post, however, I read hers first. And I am so glad I did because our perspectives could not be more different.

With two small people the challenges of keeping them both happy multiply. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I’m doing a puzzle with Lunchbox and Slim is playing in her room, or when Slim and I are working on her homework and Lunchbox is playing on his iPad or goofing off with Dreamy. These bursts of relative contentment last only as long as someone’s good mood, unfortunately, and Dreamy and I constantly drift back and forth between the two kids. Thus we don’t have the same type of togetherness as what Kathy describes; ours is more fluid and free-flowing.

Together time can be better managed by splitting up – a way for parent and child to bond without completely wiping out said parent’s energy. While not ideal, it is a good strategy for some activities and errands. Dreamy will take Slim to a Girl Scout event, for example, while Lunchbox and I go to the park or to get the groceries. They each get a parent to themselves (win!) and this sort of concentrated one-on-one time works best with my introversion (win!). Plus, sometimes I find it overwhelming doing things as a foursome given the age, gender, and temperament differences between Slim and Lunchbox (and shoot, let’s be real here, sometimes between Dreamy and me).  But that’s a subject for another post.

The idea of “alone together” time is lovely in theory but in practice it often doesn’t work at my house. Sometimes, though, particularly with Slim, we can pull this off, such as cuddling in bed at night, each engrossed in our own books. And I as I write this, Lunchbox is jamming away on the Wii. So even though the Mario Kart music is blasting in my ear, he’s happily in his own universe while I’m toodling along in mine.   

This gives me hope for the future.  As Slim careens towards the Tween Years, I want for us to do things together, to have a shared interest. We both like baking and maybe a cake decorating class is in our future. Same goes for Lunchbox – he and I can resume our mini-nature hikes in the spring if he decides to begin wearing pants on the regular.

Until then we shall muddle through. With earplugs, because I really hate Mario Kart.

 

Parallel Play

KathyMy favorite part of each day, hands down, is reading time. Each night before Doodlebug goes to bed the whole family sits down together—first iDad or I will read from our read-aloud book, then we’ll all read our own books silently. I don’t know how long Doodlebug will let us read to her, but we’ll try to keep it going as long as we can.

My most favorite part of reading time, though, is when we read to ourselves. There’s something especially cozy about being together but doing different things—it makes me think of toddlers absorbed in parallel play, aware of each other but immersed in their own experience. This is the good kind of being alone together, and I lately I’ve been on the lookout for other ways to capture that same feeling.

For instance:

  • Doodlebug and I took a parent-child art class together this fall, which went really well. I’ll admit that sometimes it was hard to drag myself out the door for class, but once we were there we both enjoyed the time to be creative side by side. We each worked on separate drawings but we learned the same techniques, and it was fun to show off our creations to iDad afterwards. Now that the class is over, I’d like to try and create similar arts and crafts sessions at home.
  • Walking home from school together is technically doing the same thing at the same time, I guess, although usually Doodlebug rides her scooter while I walk. So I’m counting it! It’s a good way to steal some conversation time before I lose her to Minecraft after school. If we’re in the car, I maybe get three sentences out of her before the audiobook comes on, but if we walk, I hear about what happened at recess, how the test went, what they did in music. But also sometimes we’re just quiet together, and that’s good too. Now that the weather is (finally!) cold and we drive more often, I really miss this time.
  • Maybe this last one sounds dumb, but I also kind of love homework time. (When it’s going smoothly, that is—we’ve had our share of meltdowns this school year.) But when Doodlebug is working at the kitchen table, iDad is doing the dishes, and I’m puttering around with bills or laundry, I get that same cozy feeling. It’s one of the only times I feel like maybe I could manage living in one of those tiny houses I keep seeing on HGTV. The rest of the time I feel like those would be an introvert’s worst nightmare, aaaiiieee!

What about you, fellow introverts? Does your family have activities you like to do together…ish? Please share so I can steal them!

— Kathy