Category Archives: Holidays

Holiday Mode (and Antidotes)

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KathyBefore Thanksgiving, I tried to warn myself that I wasn’t going to get much work done in December.

The bad news is, I was right.

Every year I try to convince myself that this is okay, that I have a flexible schedule and I should embrace that. I should just focus on my holiday prep and work on shorter writing projects if I have the time.

But I always get stuck in a weird tug-of-war with myself about whether it’s too soon to switch over to holiday mode, which means I end up feeling rushed when I’m finally ready. I honestly don’t know how to solve that one—I don’t want to spend all year getting ready for December, but December itself just doesn’t seem to have enough weeks.

So I end up not getting much work done AND stressing about the holidays. Not a great combo.

Here are a couple things that have worked for me this year, though. Without these strategies I would be feeling even more frazzled than I am right now!

  • Technology fasts. I’ve been reading a lot lately about how the internet is affecting our brains, and this article sums things up pretty nicely. Basically, all the back-and-forth drains our energy and gets us addicted to seeing something new all. the. time. The author’s solution: read more. Practice focusing deeply on something. So, most evenings I’ve been trying to turn off my devices early and settle down with a book instead. Between the holiday stress and all the upsetting things in the news lately, I think it’s been extra important for me to have a good long stretch of time offline.
  • Ditching the cards. I am so conflicted about this, but we are not sending Christmas cards this year. I love getting cards, and I love the tradition of sending holiday greetings, but this year the task was hanging over me and I decided to put it aside. The world hasn’t stopped turning yet, so maybe it’s okay? I also told myself it’s just for this year—next year I’ll re-evaluate and send some if I really want to.
  • Reminding myself what I’m looking forward to instead of focusing on the “have to’s”. Lately I’ve been trying to make a mental list of the good parts of each day, and this is kind of the same thing in reverse: thinking ahead to what’s fun instead of stressing about what’s not. On the list: making a gingerbread house with Doodlebug, going to see Star Wars Episode VII with my brother, and the new Sherlock that’s coming out January 1st. And (fingers crossed!) some good books for Christmas.

I hope the end of the year brings you some quiet time to reflect and to look ahead to 2016!

—Kathy

Under the Wire

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KathyOkay, so you know how introverts need time to think things through, reflect, not make snap judgments? Let’s say that’s why it’s almost the end of January and I still haven’t talked about my yearly goals. That’s my story, anyway, and I’m sticking to it!

Before I started writing this post, I read back over everything Tiffany and I had published in 2014. I’m going to count keeping up with this blog as one of my major successes from last year. I didn’t post as often as I wanted to (see above!), but I’m so glad I have this space to reflect on my parenting journey. Also, I’m thankful for each and every comment we’ve received from our readers. Even if you’re just reading along, it’s good to know that you’re out there and that you get us. Mwah!

Other successes:

  • I found a much better work/life balance this summer than in years past, and the rest of the family didn’t seem to suffer – having some extra structure was not a bad thing at all. The two hour block of writing time each day was the key, and it helped me see that I really can accomplish a lot with limited time. I’m going to keep that in mind for other parts of the year — sick days, teacher workdays, snow days. (Oh, snow days. How I love and hate you.)
  • Doing things as a family – and not. In my goals for 2014 post, I talked about scheduling trips like Museum Mondays, which only lasted until the summer. But we’ve found other things that keep us connected, like the movie nights we’ve started doing once a week(ish). Still, our experience with Screen Free Week reminded me that sometimes we don’t want to do things together, and that’s okay too.

Things I am still working on: getting enough sleep, the jam-packed afternoons and evenings, and the ever-present choice between time to myself and keeping the house running. I must admit the house keeps losing. I tackled several bigger organizing projects during Doodlebug’s winter break and her first week back at school — I’d hoped to get more done, of course, and now I’m toying with the idea of folding some of that organizing time into December this year. I’ve already seen that I’m not very successful at getting writing time during the holidays, so maybe I should try to get a jump start on the January decluttering spirit instead. Or maybe that’s a crazy idea that will only make December more stressful. We’ll see . . .

The other thing I want to keep in mind for 2015 is something we touched on in Tiffany’s post about her new job – parenting is one of my “core personal projects,” something that takes me out of my introvert comfort zone for a very good reason. This year I want to focus more on the positives of parenting and stress less about the challenges. One good development in that department: iDad and I have started reading the Harry Potter books to Doodlebug. So far she loves them, and I love being able to share that world with her. Here’s to a magical year!

— Kathy

The “Nice” List (of Links!)

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KathyTiffany and I will be back in a couple weeks with some end-of-the-year thoughts, but in the meantime, here are some things I’ve been reading lately — on holidays, parenting, and introverting! I hope you are all finding some time for yourselves during this busy month.

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As a mom and a writer who works from home, this piece by Vanessa Hua for the Washington Post had me nodding again and again. I’ve been feeling unhappy lately about giving more time to the “life” side of my work/life balance, mainly in the form of holiday prep. It’s not just guilt — I really do feel happier when I’m writing. The whole point of having a flexible schedule is being flexible, though, so why can’t I let myself feel grateful for having that extra time? I need to find a way to embrace it, not beat myself up about it.

Along those lines, here are some tips on being kind to yourself during the holidays from The Business of Introverts. I’m personally giving myself the gift of sleep, or trying to, anyway. My brain is giving me the gift of waking up an hour before I need to. Thanks?

Raise your hand if you’re looking for ways to minimize your time in a mall this season. Yeah, me too. Lots of great ideas in this post from Parent Hacks. I am all about food gifts, experiences, and donations.

Anglophile alert: If you have been extra good this year check out Sacred Introvert’s 2015 retreat tour to the UK, which includes Glastonbury, Stonehenge, and the city of Bath, AKA some of the coolest places I’ve ever visited. The tour is designed for introverts and will include plenty of chances to set your own schedule.

Finally, I’m blocking out this afternoon for Carolyn Hax’s Hootenanny of Holiday Horrors, one of my favorite holiday traditions. You can’t get much more festive than this chat filled with holiday disasters. If you can’t join in live, read the transcript later. Warning: Then you will want to go back and read ALL the transcripts, but that’s okay because this definitely counts as downtime. Consider it my holiday gift to you.

— Kathy

Holiday Hot Wash

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This week the Moms hot wash their holidays.  One of us got sick and started thinking.  And the other one hit the wall contemplating baked goods.  Read on for their after-action report.

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KathyLooking back at my list of strategies, I should feel pretty good about this past holiday season. I successfully avoided shopping at the mall. We had fun at the neighborhood party. I even got a reprieve on the caroling, which was cancelled, woohoo! I mean, bummer.

My overall cookie count was a little low, mostly because I came down with strep throat the weekend before Christmas. Not recommended. But I recovered in time for us to spend the holiday with my family, and the rest of our break included a visit with iDad’s parents, Legos, reading time, and our New Year’s movie night (well, afternoon). We decorated our gingerbread house on January 4, but it was still winter break so that totally counts as a holiday activity. Right?

I successfully engineered the switch to a chocolate advent calendar, but I found myself struggling with other traditions I’ve loved in the past. Our tree didn’t get decorated until the 23rd, partly because I got sick but partly because I just couldn’t motivate myself to start the process. Our cards were late, and again I can only partly blame the strep. Mostly it was because I kept putting them off.

Is that a sign that I should pull back on these traditions, too? I don’t see these things as especially draining – it’s not like we invite twenty people over for a tree-decorating party, we just turn on some holiday music and go for it. And sure, writing notes and addressing cards takes time, but I can do that by myself, with a mug of hot chocolate by my side. These things should be antidotes to the holiday madness of the outside world, but this year they felt like chores.

Still, I can’t imagine Christmas without a tree – I know Doodlebug enjoys decorating it, and that’s definitely a tradition I want her to grow up with. She couldn’t care less about whether we send cards, and truthfully iDad would be fine with dropping them too, but again, sending and receiving cards is a big part of Christmas for me.

So maybe the answer isn’t cutting back on these traditions, but being even more careful about how we spend the rest of our time during the holidays? I did notice that Doodlebug didn’t seem to care about seeing other kids as much as I thought she would – she really seemed to crave time to do her own thing. I think we struck the right balance for her. I’ll keep trying to find it for myself.

— Kathy

tiffany_head_128The holiday break started off inauspiciously:  a busy Friday at work compounded by a soul-sucking two-and-a-half hour commute home. Saturday was booked with errands and a Brownie event for Princess Slim. Sunday was a cookie exchange for which I had absolutely nothing prepared. So by early Saturday afternoon I was an exhausted and sobbing mess.  Merry Christmas, dammit.

Fortunately Dreamy stepped in and took Slim to Brownies. Lunchbox napped and I recovered enough to get a few things done around the house.

On Christmas Eve I baked and puttered and did holiday stuff. Around 3 p.m. Princess Slim went to church with Dreamy and Lunchbox went down for his nap. “Nuts,” I thought, “I need to start that cinnamon roll dough because having homemade rolls on Christmas morning will be the best thing EVER.” Mixletrisetwohoursrolloutslicerisebakefrost.

But I was tired. And sitting on the couch in a quiet house with a cup of tea felt lovely. Thus launched the following rather schizophrenic internal dialogue:

I really want to bake these rolls.

Are they mission-critical to a good Christmas?

No, they aren’t, but they are so delicious and they will be the best thing EVER.  Maybe I could make them tomorrow morning.

So you are going to voluntarily wake up at 5 a.m. to allow enough time for the double-rising and baking?  Right.  Who’s going to eat these things anyway?

Well, I would.  And Dreamy.

The kids?

Probably not.

Relax then.  And your thighs have enough rolls already, k?

But homemade cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning will be the best thing EVER.

Girl, please.

The Great Cinnamon Roll debate perfectly encapsulates what this Christmas was about for me:  listening to that internal voice that asked “Really?  Do you absolutely need to do Thing X and exhaust yourself?  Why are you doing Thing X?  For the kids?  For yourself?  To conform to someone else’s idea of a perfect holiday?”

This year I made a conscious choice to listen to that voice. There were hot baths. There were naps. There was even a little exercise, for God’s sake! Of course there was stress but the overall pace and vibe of the holidays was saner and more civilized than in years past. The kids seemed to sense this too. They played well together, for the most part, and like Doodlebug were fine doing their own things.

While I still returned to work tired and worn out the feeling this year wasn’t nearly as demoralizing and devastating as usual. When people asked how my break was, I replied “Good!” — and actually meant it.

Did I make the rolls? Nope. I snuggled with Lunchbox and slept for two hours. Merry Christmas to ME.

— Tiffany

Happy Thanksgivukkahmas!

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The first night of Hanukkah is tomorrow.  Thanksgiving is two days away and Christmas is closer than the Moms care to admit. We’re a little stressed just writing the word “holiday.”

Fortunately, we have a plan.

Kathy My version of a perfect holiday season goes something like this: Sweet potato casserole. Pumpkin pie. Menorah. Latkes. Christmas music. Cookies. Gingerbread house. Charlie Brown, the Grinch, and Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. More cookies. My ceramic light-up tree. Snow that looks pretty but melts before I have to drive in it. Visiting family. More cookies. Movie night on New Year’s Eve. 

Luckily, Doodlebug and iDad are happy with this holiday scenario, too. And when I lay it out like this, it seems perfectly obtainable. (Except for the weather. The snow gods have not smiled on us in recent years.) But I know I need to plan ahead if I want to keep the focus on the things I love and not get sucked into the holiday maelstrom. Some strategies: 

  • No malls. This is a new one for me this year – in the past we’ve cut way back on shopping stress by limiting the number of presents we exchange and by planning fun trips with our families in lieu of gifts. This year I want to focus more on gifts we (or our talented friends) have made, or things we’ve found at local shops. I’ve decided I’m not setting foot in a mall again until 2014.  

  • Letting go of certain traditions. For the past five or six years we’ve done an advent calendar with a mini stocking for each night – Doodlebug would either get a candy cane, a note about a fun holiday activity we’d do that day, or materials for a craft project. Last year, though, I ran myself ragged trying to come up with new fun things that she mostly wasn’t interested in doing anyway. This year I bought an advent calendar with chocolate inside. Done.  

  • Saying yes, with care. This can be risky — Christmas caroling with the Brownie troop? I have a bad feeling about this — but I also want to be sure Doodlebug gets to spend time with other kids this season. As the only grandchild in the family, I know she’ll be logging a lot of time with grown-ups. So yes, we’ll go caroling. And we’ll be at the neighborhood holiday party. And maybe, if the snow gods cooperate, she and Princess Slim can break out the sleds. Hot chocolate and cookies at my house afterward.

— Kathy

tiffany_head_256 Is anyone immune to holiday stress? Anyone? Bueller?

I’ve been feeling anxious and melancholy lately. The latter is attributable to missing my family, which I’m not going to see this year; the former is … well … hmmm.  There’s baking card-writing decorating shopping wrapping to do in addition to regular home and work responsibilities. There are babysitters to hire and parties to attend. And Dreamy’s birthday to plan. Inhale, count to ten, exhale. Repeat.

As a kid I remember feeling the same way even without all the adult responsibilities mentioned above. My parents attributed my crabbiness to being afraid that Santa wasn’t going to leave me any presents. Thanks, Mom and Dad. Way to throw gasoline on the fire.

While the fear of no gifts undoubtedly contributed to my moodiness, between holiday music program rehearsals and performances, family activities, school, and travel is it any wonder I was a pint-sized stressball? Looking back the connection between Little Grouchy Tiffany and Big Grouchy Tiffany is clear:  not enough downtime.

So, this year the holidays will be different. I will not, for example, succumb to the siren call of holiday craft projects. Store bought tinsel? Fine. I will not attempt spritz cookies, with their mercurial dough and dungeon-worthy cookie press. Bakery treats? Absolutely. I will not attend every party or dinner to which I am invited nor will I stress about making everything perfect for everyone. I will do my best, but that does not include draining my energy tank to mission-critical low levels.

Here’s what I will do:  plan activities for the kids to do while they are on break. Playdates, museums, and a day trip or two. I will bake and cook but not to the point of exhaustion. I will take naps, preferably with Lunchbox in his tiny twin bed. I will drink wine and watch movies (“Skyfall” arrived on Netflix last week.  Double-O YES). And I will hopefully arrive at 2014 feeling happy, healthy, and infinitely grateful for the many marvellous things with which I am graced.

Daniel Craig, that includes you.

— Tiffany

Don’t Abandon All Hope, Ye Introverts Who Enter the Supermarket

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Both Moms are hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, which means… dun dun DUNNN! Grocery shopping. Lots and lots of grocery shopping and the accompanying sensory overload.  What’s an introvert to do?

Take heart, readers.  The Moms have figured out a few ways to cope.

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tiffany_head_128I love the Internet. Yes, it has its dark and scary places, but so does my closet. I love it. I love it because I can read my favorite British newspapers and celebrity gossip sites, find recipes, and keep in touch with friends and family via email and social media. And even though online shopping sites like Amazon, Zappos, and Zulily regularly drain my personal mad money bank account, scouring the Web for deals and steals makes me happy.

Arguably the very best use of the Interwebs, however, is online grocery shopping. For me the grocery store is the tenth circle of Hell; going to the store with Slim and Lunchbox is the tenth circle of Hell plus a bad haircut, the flu, and a panic attack all rolled up in one anxiety-coated ball. The sensory overstimulation (see me! smell me! touch me!) is difficult for my introverted self to process. With the kids thrown in I find it an exhausting and superbly soul-sucking chore. Dreamy is great about taking one or both of the kids but sometimes they stay home with me, and that’s an offer I will accept any time. (Dreamy is my hero. Have I mentioned that recently?)

So, for an $8 delivery fee and a tip to the truck driver I order the groceries and they show up at my house at a date and time of my choice. Bliss! Using this service adds to the bottom line, of course, but a) my time and sanity are worth the cost, and b) as Dreamy has pointed out, online shopping probably cuts down on impulse purchases because if you don’t see so  many items, you are less inclined to mindlessly grab stuff and chuck it into your cart. I’ve had nothing but positive experiences with product quality and order accuracy. Convert for life, that’s me.

Does this happen every week? Sadly, no. Online grocery shopping requires time and organization, and some weeks this simply doesn’t happen. A meal plan and list are critical, and I find that doing the order over a few days makes it easier and more time-management friendly. Do I forget things and have to go to the store anyway? Sadly, yes. These mini-trips are manageable though because I’m usually only buying a few things. And I stick with the grocery store I know so I can quickly find whatever is needed and get the heck out.

I’m working on the Thanksgiving order right now.  Because as the slow slide towards holiday madness accelerates I’d much rather be sitting at the computer than experiencing this.

— Tiffany

KathyDeep down, I actually like grocery shopping.

I have a mild case of foodie-ism, so it’s fun once in a while to wander around a store and see what’s new. When I travel, I love to visit supermarkets because I think they give such a cool insight into a place’s culture. In France, nearly all the breakfast cereals had chunks of chocolate in them. Genius.

Of course, I rarely get to do that kind of shopping. My usual M.O. is to forget my list, forget to feed Doodlebug a snack before we get there, and emerge shell-shocked. I do have some tips and tricks for shopping while introverted. I just have trouble remembering to use them.

  • Obviously, go by yourself if at all possible. Especially if your kids are easily overwhelmed by stores, which Doodlebug is. If I do have her with me, I try to feed her first, give her items to look for, bring a jacket for the freezer aisle, and keep the trip short.

  • Dinner and shopping. Like dinner and a movie, only much less exciting. The three of us will go to a shopping center that has a grocery store as well as several restaurants we like. First we’ll eat, then I’ll scoot over to the store as soon as I’m done. iDad and Doodlebug will finish up, pay the check, and meet me at the car.

  • Shop at a smaller store. I know lots of people love Wegman’s. For me, though, it’s an instant headache (and my closest store doesn’t have the kids’ play place. Unfair!). It’s just too big. Trying to navigate all five hundred aisles leaves me worn out and cranky. I like that they have natural and organic foods along with “regular” stuff (I need my Rice Chex), but it could never be my everyday store. And we all know about my Costco issues.

  • Go less often. Daily shopping trips are overwhelming for me, not to mention inefficient. Once a week sounds great in theory, but I hate to plan my meals that far ahead and besides, I don’t enjoy marathon shopping trips anyway. Twice a week seems about right for me.

  • Go when it’s less crowded. Evenings, early mornings, during the football game… As for Thanksgiving, I plan my shopping in waves – I’ve already bought a lot of the non-perishables I’ll need, and I’ll do another run for fresh stuff closer to the time. And I’m definitely sending iDad to pick up the turkey on Wednesday morning. No way am I going in there!

— Kathy